I have met a lot of persons who have made a profession from bringing other people down. Capitalizing on other peoples mistake to somewhat project a bigger image of being talented. Mouthing off at the even the slightest mishaps trying to box away the persons ego, limiting growth and improvement. Getting off at people with an un-reciprocated effort of proving their own intelligence by making other people look stupid. Mentioning a mile long list of associations, knowledge and seemingly novel prize winning action in conversations. And when driven into a corner by the very same person they tried to put down, use the "I'm better than you, so mind your own business " card in an effort to try to save the non-existing respect other people have for him/her. In your own little world, baby.
If you, by any chance, take this regression, you should ask yourself how far will this take you? A year or two? Eventually you'll be in a tragedy story, all of your past mistakes catching up on you. People you've hurt, opportunities you've thrown away, the big black hole of your ignorance sucking you right back in, and the whole lot of things you did. And surprisingly, it started with a flick of a switch from one of the persons that was a target of your attitude.
People do not succeed, or even survive at the least, when they put down other people. Taking a lesson from Robert Greene, one of the 48 laws of power, he wrote:
"Know Who You’re Dealing with – Do Not Offend the Wrong Person. There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs’ clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then – never offend or deceive the wrong person."
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One person who was close to me, did exactly what I described above. He was older than me, about three years or so. He was boastful in everything, he accomplished great feats on his own. Totally revamped the whole IT department of the company he was working for before, on his own. Was developing complex applications where teams of 3 would be required, on his own. He would mention about experiences that would awe people around him. Exactly the same as the above.
Things got fishy, cause I graduated from college, and was already engaged in the profession. My eyes opened, exposed to a lot of things, worked with a lot of great minded people. It was just a matter of time before I discovered inconsistencies in his stories. I developed angst towards him, he was getting on my nerves. But I didn't want to slam dunk facts on his face, of course not. After servings and servings of crap, eventually the line broke.
"I earn 3x that what you earn, exactly xx, what do you do? 3x more work than mine?" he told me. "What do you earn? Just xx? haha" He was pretty vocal with his salary, kind of strange as it was a golden rule where I was trained not to tell people about our salary. From that moment, I told another person who was sharing the same sentiments as mine, I will get this guy back. Seriously, he was pushing things too far, he was frolicking ignorantly on his own demise.
Being close to him, I still wanted to change him, I am not that cruel a guy.
I got an opportunity when he wanted our help for a project that he was given, freelance. This will be perfect, the truth will surface at last. So I said yes with the sole purpose of bringing him down. Every step he took, I questioned. We debated. We screamed at each other. We failed to deliver deadlines, about two month long extensions for work that can be done by one person in three days, since he was the main contributor (of course he was, he was better that us). I told him not to commit when he knew he won't be able to deliver, still he persisted. I knew he wasn't capable of completing the project. There were three of us involved in the project, to teach him a lesson, me and the other guy left him to finish things alone. So if he fails he will realize what I was telling him. What more painful lesson than a client stating disappointment at the lack of your professionalism and credibility.
Still he persisted. Excuses after excuses.
One day, we had one of our little drinking sessions. I was feeling confrontational with the help of alcohol, yeah! This is the perfect time to say everything in his face. So when everyone was sleeping, we were talking about his ego. I told him straight what I was feeling, what I thought of him. To my credit, I waited until we were all alone, and I was totally honest with him. That I was intending to bring him down when I joined him, destroy him. But in the end I just wanted him to realize the bloated size of his ego.
At the end, it cost us our closeness. We barely communicate with him. We used to hang out almost everyday. Now when we plan things, we don't invite him, simply because he isn't top of mind.
He lost true friends.
Just one of the things that can happen to people who practice putting down people.
*Now I have another person who exercises the same. I do hope I do something to make him realize things. But this will be difficult, as it is more complicated than my situation with my friend.
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4 comments:
great post.
but sometimes, our efforts to make a difference do not work, or if they do, we end up expecting that they will be better people - and believe me, we always get disappointed regarding this, right?
sometimes it would be better if we admit that we can only do so much. in the end, as soon as "they" realize that they have done wrong, the feeling of regret and "what ifs" will hit them hard - inevitably scratching their heads, saying, "i should've listened to him" or "i should've been a good person".
we must know when to say, "let them learn their lessons on their own."
Through the course of my effort, my expectation of change from him became an expectation of realization.
My dad, a very wise man told me that people like him will never change. if caught in a very uncomfortable situation, he will turn to violence or verbal assault. People like that, when their pride is hurt, will bring you down with them.
And I discovered it to be true. until the last minute, he was clinginging to his ego, pride, lie, etc. The good thing I did was to keep my angst to the people involved. I never brought it public. I stopped after that, knowing full well I did what I can do to make him realize things.
sir RD, nice thoughts ... i also had one work colleage who does the same things you mentioned in your blog, and well things end up the way things should be ... "i move on, you stay behind..." seems fair right?
I as read what you have, it made me think "have i dont a step to somehow let him know he is overdoing things". And I ended up telling my self I did not, or should I say "I don't want to". Should I even consider changing a bit of him, what benefit would it bring me, and would he even change?"
Well helping out others turned out to be a nice thought. But, we should choose the right person to help! Do you believe I am correct?
Changing a bit of a person does not always result to what we expect it to be. Because there are a lot of external factors that may affect the change. What you do, what you say, and what you show him may not be even hit him the slightest, or it may even result to a conflict, or yet it may change him for good.
When people do something negative on my perspective, I always take into consideration: "what made him / her do such an action". Knowing the reason behind makes me think the right decisions, do the right actions.
** and for the last item -- "now i have another person ..."
-Do what you think is right. Drag him / her into a conversion, a friendly one. Tell him / her (in a light manner) your observations, who knows he / she will listen and would adopt any suggestion you may give. Another thing, show him / her you are credible enough to preach about change and others...
PS: I really like reading your blog..informational, inspirational and strikes to the nerves..keep going, good luck and God speed .^_^
-2040998
My effort was was fueled by our closeness. I just couldn't let him go about his life like that :)
If it's not worth it, I won't try anything. Might be right for me.
Appreciate it if you'd introduce yourself :)
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